On the lighter side of money
I’m a bit different from most people, because I look forward to Monday. That was not meant to be deep, there is actually a pretty straightforward reason for my irregularities. You see, I work on the weekends, during the week I have my own projects so my time is pretty flexible, as a result I’ve chosen to take my off days on Monday. It doesn’t work every week, in fact, most weeks I don’t get any time off but it’s still comforting to know that if I were to take a day off it would be on a Monday. Of course when most people are looking forward to the weekend, I’m feeling slightly depressed cause I gotta be working for long hours. So it kinda evens out in the end.
Anyway, if you’re feeling a little down cause the weekend is almost over, cheer up, cause I’ve gone and scoured the internet for some funny business and money related jokes and quotes. So on Monday morning you can walk into the office and make the boss laugh (or scowl and fire you, so use with discretion). Here goes:
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.
- Employee to company lawyer: “I’m working on a top secret military project. My boss hired some North Elbonians to help me. They’re communists. If I give them any information, I could be guilty of treason. I could be executed. Can you help?”
Lawyer: “Sure. What would I have to do - pull a lever?” - An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I work hard because millions on welfare depend upon me.
- By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. (Robert Frost)
- The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from those who are still undecided. (Casey Stengal)
- Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
- Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it, and that’s true anywhere in the world.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
- There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
- The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘check enclosed’
- We were hoping to build a small profitable company; and of course, what we’ve done is build a large, unprofitable company. (1964-) U.S. Businessman)
- Behind every successful man lurks a truly amazed ex-mother-in-law.
- I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Ok, so I didn’t really ’scour the internet’ but if I got a smile on your face then I’m happy. If you want to read more quotes like these then here’s where I found them:
Have fun.
Simon
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